Well, that's not quite phrasing it right. I mean, I know how to meditate. I've been practicing meditating.

It's hard.

I mean, practicing it is easy. You sit in a quiet place, and you breath in and out, and you try to quiet your mind and just focus on your breath. When your mind strays, and you start thinking about other stuff, you just label those thoughts "thinking" and you let them float away. Then you draw your attention back to your breath and continue on.

That's it. Just sit...breathe...when you think thoughts label them and send them packing. Easy, right?

Nuh-uh. Not for me, anyway. I mean, God, when you see it written out like that it sounds so easy. Like folding laundry or something...just fold a towel, put it away, and keep folding..keep folding. But it's not like that. My thoughts go rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat . It's like trying to breathe and relax during the Seige of Baghdad. My mind flips and reels and spins a mile a minute. It's like trying to catch a greased pig. An agile greased pig.

Which is exactly why I need to practice meditation. That damned greased-pig brain of mine flips and jumps and squeals all day long, and after a while (especially on days like today where I haven't filled my schedule up with activities) it starts to turn on me. My body gets stressed and tight and my emotions get all backed up like I'm constipated and I start to snap at everyone. So I go and sit and try to meditate for 15 minutes. And even though the transcript of my mind would read something like this:

Breathe....breathe....Ow my foot hurts am I doing this right maybe I should switch legs am I allowed to do that? whoops thinking ... breathe....breathe...breathe...I should paint my toenails they look bad I wonder what color I should paint them should I stick with the red or go to something more subtle THINKING...breathe...breathe...breathe... My back is stiff good god I'll never make fifteen minutes of this I can't believe there are people who do this for hours... ACK GODDAMINT THINKING...oh great now I swore I'll bet that completely undoes the meditiation when you swear do I need to restart the clock or something?..breathe...breathe...breathe